Life is full of unexpected, undesired twists. We have no control of the circumstances laid on the path before us, but we do have power over our reactions. Control what you can control and have faith. This is a lesson I am taking to heart and unfolding to try and gain a better understanding of what this truly means. My senior year so far has been one of growth and becoming more founded in who I was created to be.
My highschool career has been a rollercoaster ride as I am sure most everyone who has survived highschool can attest to. Highschool brought along with it broken relationships, betraying friendships, injuries, and countless other stressful experiences. Sometimes the pressure is too much to handle and we can feel the weight of it all start to bend us. When I have got to this point my freshman through junior year, when I bent…I broke. Every little thing that had ever gone wrong seemed to consume my thoughts and weaken me. I became exhausted and would not even fight the lies that started to embed themselves in my head. In these times, I lost a lot. I lost friends, positive relationships with my family became the opposite, and my tuning into what God had for me began to wither away. I felt alone.
Every time I had one of these bottoming out experiences, I would always come out of it. I would get a revelation of the Truth and become strong enough for a moment to stand. Problem was I would always fall again into the lies. I was never able to maintain the momentary strength I was given. Key word: I.
Junior year I had come out of the complete dark cloud I had been living in, but it never quite went away. Sadness had become comfortable and so I never let it get without reach. But I began to desire freedom so badly from the weight of my regrets and of my sin. I had enough of the constant tire of overthinking and spinning everything to a negative outcome. I was on the lookout for a way to maintain a true joy. I found it.
I had been involved in a bible study since the summer going into my junior year. This bible study was all based on “You were created on purpose for a purpose.” However I had a hard time truly grasping God had a purpose that was made specifically for me to fulfill. One night this year at bible study it just clicked and it has changed my perspective. I was able to mend relationships that I had no desire to fix because my worth was no longer found in if I was right or not. My worth was found in my Creator. He had assured me He had me wrapped in His arms and He was not going to let me fall from His love. My strength which founded in my purpose is grace. If I could not give grace and reconcile my broken relationships I was not living out the calling I had received. As I embraced my calling, my mood began to transform.
It was no longer all about me. Sure, I still obviously struggle with my wants and my pride, but my mind is continuing to grow into the mindset of God’s purpose through me. My happiness has not been a momentary occurrence but has been able to be sustained regardless of what life’s thrown me. This was made possible by my powerful, awesome God. Through His strength my joy has remained. If I put my hope in my own abilities to pull me out of my dark pit it will never work and I will always fall again. But my Savior pulled me out the moment He stepped out of the grave and will continue to carry me through the times of darkness. Though I felt alone, I never was. He was right there holding out His hand to me waiting for me to give up my pride and ask for help.
He is holding His hand out to each and every one of us. He is the one who remains constant through the trials and pain. He is the only one who is never-changing and will never fail our hearts. Take your hope from the things and promises of this world and place it in the One who created you and knows your purpose perfectly. He is waiting and He loves you above and beyond the love this world claims to offer. His love is the one that will fill you up and leave you full for eternity.
\\There is a joy within me I cannot contain,
This time it will thrive and remain,
Years have been lost but no more,
From this point on I won’t merely survive,
Broken chains beneath at my feet,
Finally I am free and I am not going back.
I have found myself once more,
Oh how I missed who I was created to be,
Praise the One who has set my soul free,
Truth is found in the One with true love,
In Him I am grounded and my heart is at home,
He will sustain me and never let go.
From darkness I came, to light I will follow,
Happiness is in my midst,
To sadness I will not return,
For I have found the light,
Far better than me alone,
By Him I am new and set free.
Forever in His love I will be found,
His grace everlasting,
I will seek Him always with desire,
A burning passion for Him lit within me,
To reflect His grace and freedom,
This is my purpose and my calling.//
Live loved today,
Olivia Mars
LiveGrace 