There is something that takes time and effort to retain and is extremely fragile yet creates the strongest bonds. It has created new friendships and broken old ones. It requires commitment and devotion. The power of this emotional feeling is described as one word: Trust. Trust has always been something I struggle with. It is routinely shattered by people all around us but can devastate our lives when those who are closer to us break our trust.
It is particularly evident in my life right now how much I struggle trusting. Along with issues trusting, I have a need to feel in control which also gets me in trouble a lot. But the physical realm of that control issue makes me extremely uncomfortable if both of my feet are not on the ground. I had surgery two weeks ago today. This requires me to be on crutches. Crutches and stairs can be a scary mix for me.
When I have to go up the stairs on crutches, sometimes I can get very panicked if I think about it too much. I have to press my weight through my arms into the crutches and swing both my feet off the ground in order to make it another step up the staircase. I don’t really breathe while my feet are not on the ground because I feel like I have absolutely no control. The longer I climb, the more exhausting it gets and I need to make sure I’m using the support my crutches can give me instead of relying on my own strength. So when I reach those last couple steps, it can be really easy to get too excited and lose focus. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I’ve tripped a couple times on those last steps.
This can appear true beyond just climbing the stairs on crutches. We are on the staircase of life and it is not always easy to move forward. In order to make it higher up the stairs and continue to grow into the person you are supposed to be, there must be times of letting go. You must let go of things that are holding you on that step and sometimes it hurts to move forward.
But if you place your trust in the One who holds the future, there is no need to feel the fear that comes with letting go of control. He has our best interest in mind and wants us to continue to grow. He is our support and source of strength just as the crutches are for my body. If I start to get overly confident about how far I’ve made it, I can forget what made it possible to climb the staircase and begin to fail when I think I can rely on my own strength.
God is the only reason we can do anything good in our lives and continue to move forward. However it requires trust, you must trust that He will carry you and support you. This is hard for me when trust is broken so much but God has far from the same flaws humans possess. Our trust in Him will never be broken. Even though it’s hard, we have to let go of our expectations of how life is going to be and place our trust in the One who knows how our lives will unfold.
With love & grace,
Olivia Mars
LiveGrace 