Loneliness is like something that eats away at you until it leaves a giant hole inside you that is constantly throbbing with pain. I have no words to accurately describe the feeling in my chest when the ache of loneliness makes itself known in my life but that was my best shot. It is something I’ve felt often but when it really hits, the blow never gets easier.
However in these times of loneliness, I always end up seeing the purpose in all of it. Typically, when I feel alone, it is because of me pushing everyone away through my actions and not drawing near to the Father whose promise to never leave is always fulfilled. These difficult times are filled with small blessings which in the end produce a better person than I was before. Nearly every time I fall, I think I will never be able to get back up and I fell too far this time but it never fails that I come back better because I have refocused on the Only One who can put me back together.
It never comes easily to me to surrender and let go because I’m extremely stubborn, but when I finally do I can breathe and I feel free. The circumstances still are very painful and sometimes I let it consume me, but the core of who I am is restored and when the next hit comes in the time of loneliness, I won’t fall any further. In these times, the Lord softens my heart. Instead of feeling hurt by the absence of some I love, I am able to focus on the sin in my life and surrendering it to God so my heart is made right. These times of loneliness are when I feel most near to God. And so when it comes down to it, I am always very thankful for these times.
By letting go of the need for acceptance from those around me, I fall onto the Father who can redeem me. Though it is not without hard work, when I have taken care of my spiritual life and made that my priority again, my other relationships can follow. But not without the Lord’s help will reconciliation be made. In these times, I find I am most content. I am most content with little and having the most important thing right in my life. My heart is softer and my view on others is more kind. The gaping hole in me called loneliness still hurts, but I can be genuinely happy because I am a daughter of the King and I don’t need anything else.
His reminders that I am not alone are constant. He not only makes Himself known in my life, but places other people in my life to remind me. New connections can be made and old friends be found when I let God take control and weed out the sin in my life. Learning to live simply is never easy for me but I always find myself more at peace and able to keep this peace by creating small daily habits to change my mindset. My heart is far from reconciled but it is on its way and I can be confident it will all work out because I have an all-powerful and loving God who is fighting the battles that occur within me.
Psalm 130
“Out of the depths I cry to you Lord,
Lord hear my voice,
Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.
For if you, Lord, kept a record of sin,
Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
So that we can, with reverence, serve you.
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
And in his word I place my hope,
I wait for the Lord more than a watchman waits for the morning,
More than a watchman waits for the morning.
Israel, place your hope in the Lord,
For with the Lord is everlasting love,
And with Him is full redemption,
He himself with redeem Israel of all their sins.”
With grace and love,
Olivia Mars
LiveGrace 