Today I sit in absolute awe of the glory of my Savior. I am so so honored to get to serve such an amazing and loving and powerful God. These past few weeks have been so hard and I have been so heartbroken. Two days after I came home from Haiti, my great grandma, who lives two houses down from me in Texas, went home to be with Jesus. I loved her with my whole heart and cherished my time with her so much. I have been absolutely devastated and heartbroken as it was completely unexpected but in all honesty, no time would have been enough time.
Losing Mama Tigger seemed to have a domino effect in my life as one thing after another crumbled around me. In the midst of heartbreak over losing a loved one, I didn’t think my heart could handle anything else. Yet, news of tragedy around me and in the lives of those I love just keeps rolling in. Relationships have been tense, countless tears have been shed, and my heart has just been constantly aching.
If this happened any other point in time in my life, I would be in shambles. I would not have been trusting in God’s plan through it all. Fortunately, this is not the case. Clinging onto Jesus, I have been able to see right through Satan’s plan. He is pulling out all the stops that would have taken me down before. He is bringing up past struggles to try and get me to stumble, pulling people from the past into my present, and hitting me in all the places it hurts. But it is not working. I sit here smiling through the tears. Some are from sorrow, but more of these tears are from the joy in my heart. Jesus is working through Satan’s attempts to take me down.
I do not believe in superstitions, however, I believe absolutely in spiritual warfare and all the signs that come with that. On my right hand, I wear three rings that each have a word engraved on them. They represent my values and my God-given purpose in this life. They read: grace, freedom, and truth. Well two days ago, my freedom ring cracked and I had to take it off and send it to be fixed. I honestly believe this was another one of Satan’s games with my mind. He was trying to steal my freedom through all the trials in my life and I was having to hold Jesus’s hand so tightly to not let it happen. Today, I opened the front door and a package was sitting on the porch. My aunt had sent me a book titled, If Only You Knew: My Unlikely, Unavoidable Story of Becoming Free. What crazy ways God works in! Of course, I do not need a ring to be free, but it serves as an amazing reminder. I now have a book on Christ’s freedom to read as I wait for my ring to be repaired. Not today Satan! 🙂
Shortly after receiving the book, I get a text from someone who is practically family to me but still has no obligation to love me as well as he does. He knew nothing of what had been occurring in my life yet sent me this text. “I just wanted to tell you that God has put you on my heart a number of times during the last couple of weeks and prompting me to pray for you. I hope you are doing ok. Sometimes our journey can be filled with lots of ups and downs, but remember God has set you apart as His cherished daughter and has amazing plans for you! He wants us and longs for us to be rooted in Him and His truth. Don’t forget you have a story and are equipped to impact many!!” He sent this along with Galatians 6:9 and the song “Set Apart.” So so thankful for God having my back and His followers who listen to His promptings. Not today Satan! 🙂
These are just two examples of the countless promptings people of God have listened to in these past few weeks and I have felt so cared for and loved. My friend Liz pulled me aside at a super bowl party to pray for me last night, I have had amazing facetimes with those I love back home and been so encouraged, people in extended circles in Dallas have stepped up and drawn near to me, and I have received so many uplifting texts. All the tricks Satan used to defeat me with in the past have not been of use to him this time and I am stronger than ever because of the community of believers I have holding me up and praying like crazy. I have been so blessed in my brokenness and love to see how Jesus works through pain. There is always a purpose in the tragedy and I am so thankful. I am so in love with my Savior who loves me when I deserve not even a drop of His love. Thank you for wiping away my tears and loving me with such grace, Lord Jesus.
With love and grace,
Olivia Mars
LiveGrace 