Lately, my mind has been spinning with ideas and opposing views. Things I have been learning and the issues in our world have been pushing my beliefs and questioning my thoughts. I have been on a search for truth. I am not saying I am abandoning all I have grown up believing to be truth. I believe in Truth with a capital “T” but what is truth in the small situations?
Here is my problem: I want to always put the view that everyone has the same worth above most other views. I love people and it kills my heart when I see someone not being viewed as worth as the next person. In my mind, it should never matter the flaws in someone’s life because we all are equal in our wrong. All mistakes are viewed as equal in God’s eyes. Therefore, shouldn’t we all have this same view that we are all equally in the wrong? And so then no one’s worth should be dependent on their actions?
And this is the problem I have with this mindset in our world today: there is not one political party that agrees with this fully. I hate that to side with one party, I have to abandon things I am passionate about. Honestly, I was so torn on the fact I was now old enough to vote this go around. Never did it cross my mind that I was not going to vote because I believe every vote matters. If I want things to change, I must use my vote for my voice to be heard. But how did I want my voice to be heard? Was there anyone that would reflect how I would vote on each of the small cases once they were in office? I absolutely hate that when I checked off the boxes and cast my vote, I had to choose which beliefs to prioritize and put aside other beliefs.
I want to know the truth, and I think it seriously sucks that it is so hard to find that in our world. I want to support women and their truth, but how do we know when they aren’t speaking truth? I want to always fight for the Black Lives Matter movement because every person has worth. But how do we respond when some cops are doing their job and others are not?
Last week, I read The Hate U Give (which I highly recommend). I think it gives a perspective not everyone would have the opportunity to see without the book. I cried my way through the whole book and believe fully this happens in America today. I also personally know cops who are doing their job and love all people. So how do I adequately fight for justice and still support the good cops? I get so so angry hearing the stories of injustice and want to do everything I can to change it. But how?
I know this is such a touchy subject and I am probably messing up politically in so many things I am saying in this. This is just me trying to put my thoughts on paper and figure out what is going through my mind. This is me being confused. This is my struggle. This is my journey. This is me trying to figure out how to change the world without being conformed by it.
It all circles back to me getting completely overwhelmed and feeling useless. I wear myself out taking my brain down rabbit holes and coming up with no solutions. And though it doesn’t quite make me feel better, I try to rest in what I do know to be true. I know one day Jesus is going to come back, and He is going to fix it all. He will make everything right. There will be no more elections with flawed candidates because our perfect, loving God will rule. And until then I just have to try and figure out how this secure truth lines up in the situations of our world to find the little truths. And thank God for grace.
With love and grace,
Olivia Mars
LiveGrace 