LiveGrace

I have spent so much of my life hiding behind a mask and pretending everything was perfect when really there was brokenness everywhere. These past few weeks have brought even more challenges than I, at first, perceived. I am learning it is okay to not be okay. I am sure I have been told that many times before and just brushed it aside, but this time around I am hearing that message loud and clear.

My grandpa, who is the wisest person I know, likes to give me mini-sermons and pieces of truth, which I love. Last night, he read many verses that all related to the same idea: God is making our crooked paths straight. Even when we thought we were going down the right path, God is going to change our plans and it is for the best even when we can’t see it. I especially loved this one verse he shared with me: Ecclesiastes 7:14-15, “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider this: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore no one can discover anything about their future.” Yes, we are to rejoice in the hard times of life, but God isn’t pushing aside your feelings and He is acknowledging that it hurts and your pain is real. We do not know the future, but I can find comfort in my sorrow that God has my future. It is good I don’t know it because then I would know the future hardships I would have to walk through. I would try and avoid those valuable lessons learned through those times. There is beauty and there is grace found from being in the dark.

So for now, it is okay to not be okay. It is okay to wear sweatpants and not do my hair. It is okay to take a week-long break from makeup. It is okay to color for hours and take long baths. It is okay to cry. It is okay to spend that extra hour laying in bed. It is okay to not be okay. But I will find hope in the fact that I have a Father who loves me infinitely more than I can imagine and He knows my future and planned it much better than I ever would. I am learning I cannot stuff these feelings of hurt because it will be secretly affecting my life for much longer than if I let myself feel this now. One day I will feel okay again, but it doesn’t have to be today. My path is being straightened and it hurts. But I will praise Him even when I don’t understand what He is doing. When I come out on the other side, I will see the amazing ways God orchestrated this, and I will call it beautiful.

With love and grace,

Olivia Mars