LiveGrace

This year, I picked a word. Scratch that…this word is not just for this year. It is something I am teaching myself to ponder and train my mind to think in this way, therefore, it must be intentionally at the forefront of my mind this year. However, I want it to be a life change. I want this word to hold a different meaning for me from this point on. My word is expectation.

I have always had a tendency to expect the worst. Yes, I’ve had a lot of great things end in disappointment, but I have also had an abundance of amazing things. I have had terrible situations be covered in grace and change drastically into a beautiful image of God’s love.  So I am sick and tired of waiting for the hammer to drop. Anytime I have been happy or I have been in a great place, I am waiting. I am waiting for the “, but” part of the story. The part of the story where it turns for the worst. This is a horrible way to live–in fear of being happy.

So I am breaking the habit. I am going to change my expectations to greatness. No, my happy situations will not always end in greatness, but how can I fully enjoy these seasons when I am filled with dread? I will expect to have joy. I will expect love. I will have high expectations.

I think the word “expectation” sometimes gets a bad rep when our expectations are not met. We are taught to not have expectations because of this. But I think it is all about the mindset. Recently, I have experienced a lot of heartaches. This hurt all happened after I dedicated my year to grow my mind to think in this way of expectation. It has been a beautiful time for me even through the pain. It is the first time that tragedy has struck and I have complete confidence that God’s plan is far better than my own. And oh my goodness is this a freeing feeling! I have had joy through this time of pain because I EXPECT God has a plan and He has my back. I am not expecting Him to let me down. I am expecting Him to guide my life in the way that is right.

I have chosen to expect with the right heart. I am choosing to no longer avoid happiness in fear of losing it. I will not expect the worst, but rather expect that my life is headed in the right direction because my guide is the best one out there. It is going to be a long journey of retraining my mind to think this way after years of molding it to think just the opposite but I am excited! I am ready to be joyful in all situations and always expect that I will be happy again even in the seasons of pain.

With love and grace,

Olivia Mars